My Scottish background makes me question the wisdom of paying good money to tell the world, via my car registration plate, that IM2SXY.
I'm not saying that I am 2SXY, by the way, but even if I felt that I was, I hope I would not be burdened by the need to share this belief with the populace, at least not in this way.
Incidentally, how can you be 2SXY? And 2SXY for what, or whom?
If car licence plates were subject to the truthful advertising provisions of the Trade Practices Act - and I take it they are not - most of us would probably end up with plates proclaiming NOTSXYENUF.
It astounds me to think that in times when thousands of us are said to be in mortgage stress, we collectively find enough money to buy pieces of tin for our cars bearing messages such as IM2SXY.
I also wonder about the thought processes of those who do purchase such expensive tin.
Do they imagine, as they race by on their souped-up wheels, complete with speed stripes, dangling dice, ear-splitting doof-doof music and tinted windows, that attractive members of the opposite sex (or the same sex, whatever) are going to take one look at them and think, "I simply MUST have sex with whoever is driving that car"?
I don't think so.
In my experience, most observers seem to feel these are the sort of people who ought to be perfectly happy having sex with themselves.
I think there's a good reason for those tinted windows - so that passers-by can't see in.
It's not cheap for motorists to parade their razor-sharp wit in public, either.
A quick website check informs me it can cost from $60 to $500 for the privilege, depending on how many fancy trimmings and colours you want.
And this is not a one-off charge, like it used to be. This is a recurring annual cost. The boffins at the RTA must be laughing all the way to the bank.
In between guffaws, they are also promoting the idea, and I don't blame them one bit.
I have discovered that the RTA is conducting online auctions of number plates to celebrate the centenary of rugby league in Australia.
There's one set of plates for every field position in every NRL team, each one bearing the team colours for the "totally devoted" fan.
And some people are prepared to pay thousands to get them.
A word of warning, though, in these days of political correctness.
On a recent trip to that bastion of free expression known as the United States, I read of a number of people engaged in legal battles over their precious plates.
One is a retired New York cop with a plate reading "GETOSAMA".
"It's about my right to be patriotic," said Arno Herwerth.
"I think it would only be offensive to members of al-Qaeda, so I really don't get why they banned it."
But licence plates were never designed to be billboards, says the Department of Motor Vehicles.
"People are so passionate about vanity licence plates because they are a way to convey a message," said Stefan Lonce, who is writing a book about them.
More like someone trying to part themselves needlessly from their hard-won readies, I reckon.
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